Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
