so that wasnt chicken after all
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
