let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
