the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
