dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you didnt know i had herpes?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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