I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
