the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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