Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize