***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
