Old men and throwing up are my life now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
