I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
