Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
