There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
