yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
