You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
