Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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