Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
