Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
