so that wasnt chicken after all
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
