all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
