he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
