You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
