So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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