highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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