He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
