come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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