This is not my ceiling
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
