I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
