If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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