he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
