I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
