Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
