My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
