dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
