Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
