Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
