you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
