i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
