just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is Oprah even human
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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