he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
