I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
