loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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