there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
