Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
