i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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