i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
