i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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