I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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