had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
