I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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