a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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