I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
