I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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