the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
